Here is a Persian rug in ottawa at my grandmother house.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Overall, this year has been really demonstrative of the feeling I get from living my life in a successful way.
I have a accomplished a fair bit in these 3 months.
I have learned a good way to write!, welded a metal shelf, made many drawings, a few very successful painting and a wooden box which I intend to give to my grandmother for christmas. Finally, managing to cook simple meals- at least most of the time.
I have changed my attitude as well, not just towards friendships and family. (I generally appreciate them so much more and see these kind of connections as very valuable)
Probably most importantly, I recently realised that my problem with depression was not a imbalance, some kind of unhealthy food, or (my most embarassing admission) that there was something wrong with my life.
I have been reading a book called "The Van Gogh Blues" which the basic premise is that artists- creative people, suffer from virtually 100% depression. They wrestle with meaning and in the process are affected by some of the darker sides of life. Also, its just plain truthful that creating... is hard. The fact that I have spent the last 3 years, not satisfying this intense creativity... is the reason.
I also have engaged in the process of being negative about my self. Any time I'd make a work, i would feel elated... happy even, but then my critical side would kick in and say how it didn't measure up to the other 'successful' works that I did. No wonder I have felt the way I did!
Its basically like discovering your life purpose in highschool then going to art school, identifying with the problems with that dream and then ignoring the important part of that dream because of its failings; the desire to create. Just because art generally has a negative affect on the environment doesn't mean I can't either find ways to make it less harmful, or appreciate the importance of making work that helps others. I think the overlying meaning behind this is that I have identified with the overwhelming diaspora and frantic nature of global warming, but ignored my very nature.
I am an artist, I want to create and will do so in the way that best satisfies my ethical concerns and the realistic nature of contemporary art materials and methods.
Perhaps, slowly but gradually I can develop methods that are more idealistic- foot powered wood turning for designed kitchen tools, more natural paint for engaging images that are part of their environment (ie. a wall) and livable 'sculptures' -turf houses, straw bale and stone.
Thanks for all your patience.